While I settle in for my annual tradition of watching Michel Gondry’s Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind, I hope you’ll enjoy reading my various musings on love, film, and the allure of a movie romance.

(Or you can read what I had to say about Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind if you’d prefer that.)

Let me get my disclaimer out of the way first: I am not a romance movie person. I almost never watch true romance movies or rom-coms, and when I do they tend not to be my favorite. So what qualifies me to be writing about it? Absolutely nothing! However, to every rule there exists exceptions, and despite my general disinclination to watch romance movies, there are some on-screen love stories that have grabbed hold of me nonetheless. As much as I find it impossible to choose just one favorite movie, Eternal Sunshine might be it. Ironic, maybe, that I have such a deep love for that movie and yet an overall lack of enthusiasm for the romance genre, but here we are.

Joel and Clementine aren’t nearly the only onscreen romance to make me feel that way, though. I’ve found that, for me, what makes a good romance is not always the happily ever after, but the little moments along the way. So here they are, the movie moments that made me go “oh, maybe I do like romance!”

Mia and Sebastian’s chance encounter turns into a song and tap dance in La La Land (Damien Chazelle, 2016)

I bet you knew there was going to be a La La Land moment on this list, so I’m putting it right at the top. I’m betting you also maybe thought it was going to be the planetarium. Don’t get me wrong, that’s a great choice. But as someone who was here for the movie musical and who has a total weak spot for a tap number, this is my moment.

Sometimes it’s all about the chemistry, and Ryan Gosling and Emma Stone have plenty of it. Mia and Seb play their little game of reluctance, and it’s so fun because we know where it's going. We know this is a romance, and that they’re going to fall in love. But we still get drawn into the game, into the way they pretend and tell themselves that no, of course I don’t feel anything other than annoyance towards that guy! It’s not like he’s Ryan Gosling or something and I’m just going to fall head over heels in love with him! But guess what? This is a romance and a musical, and he is Ryan Gosling, and she is going to fall in love with him! So as their chemistry grows and they begin to sing and dance, we feel that satisfaction of getting exactly what we’re promised when we sat down for this movie.

La La Land is at its absolute best when it embraces everything it means to be a movie musical, and what says that more than Emma Stone in that yellow dress tap dancing with a guy she just met with the lights of Hollywood twinkling in the background? By the end of this number, we’re totally sold and bought into this romance, and we want nothing more than for them to just kiss already. But we can’t have it just yet, because where would be the fun in that?

Ennis grabs Jack and kisses him after not seeing each other for four years in Brokeback Mountain (Ang Lee, 2005)

A total change of pace to a story that couldn’t possibly be more tragic, but is still a breathtaking romance nonetheless. Interwoven with all the secrets and heartbreak and genuine devastation that this story contains is also a beautiful romance that never gets to be experienced to the fullest.

So much of this movie is about restraint and repression, especially on Ennis’s part. So in this moment, when he grabs Jack by the shirt, completely uninhibited for perhaps the first and last time, it confirms everything we as viewers were hoping for. That Ennis has missed Jack more than he can say, has thought about him for the past four years, and that he feels a passion towards Jack that he has never felt for anyone else. It's such a release of every emotion Ennis has been fighting down, but in such a heartwarming display as opposed to the outbursts of anger that we have come to expect from this character.

Even on a rewatch, knowing the tragedy that is to come, this moments still lifts you up out of it and reminds you that this movie, firstly and most essentially, is a story about two people who are in love.

“In another life, I would have really liked just doing laundry and taxes with you” in Everything Everywhere All at Once (Daniel Scheinert & Daniel Kwan, 2022)

A truly perfect on-screen romance finds that sweet balance between the sweeping, romantic moments and the simple acts of love. In the case of Everything Everywhere All at Once, we're not following a traditional love story. By the time we meet them at the beginning of this movie, Waymond and Evelyn have already been married for many years, and as it turns out, their marriage isn't doing so well. So rather than following their relationship from its beginning to its end, we are jumping in at a midpoint.

By the time we reach this scene, we've already spent the film wondering if their marriage is going to make it, and it doesn't seem optimistic. And then we get this moment that's not any sort of grand romantic gesture. It's not even a big speech. We're simply seeing, through Evelyn’s eyes, all the moments where she fell in love with him. Over and over and over again, in other lives and times and universes. But at the same time, she's falling in love with him again at this moment.

When he delivers this line, it's an affirmation that whatever life they live, be it grand or simple or any number of possible scenarios, it doesn't matter. There is something beautiful in the simplicity of imagining a “small” life with someone. A life where you just do laundry and taxes and are in love with the person standing next to you. And it's so impactful in this moment because this is when Evelyn realizes that that can be enough for her, too.

Time stands still at the circus when Edward sees Sandra for the first time in Big Fish (Tim Burton, 2003)

Big Fish holds so much of its power in that we, as the viewer, know how the story is going to end. It's a son telling the story of his dying father, exactly as his father told it to him. Its beauty lies in that we know it's a story, but we almost don't care what really happened and what didn't. Edward has weaved a story of his life, and Will wants to maintain all parts of it, even though he knows they likely aren't true.

Part of that story is a love story. Again, we know where we're going. We know that Edward and Sandra are married even in his dying days. So when we get this “love at first sight” moment at the circus, we know it turns into a love that lasts a lifetime. At this moment, though, it's just Edward looking at a girl and thinking that she may be the love of his life. Time literally stops.

It's not even really their first “meeting” either. It's truly just that classic “saw her across the room” moment that has become a staple of the romance genre. And when Sandra walks away, it begins possibly the most important quest of Edward Bloom’s life of adventures.

Kevin and Chiron kiss on the beach in Moonlight (Barry Jenkins, 2016)

It's a first kiss on the beach at night under the light of the moon. That in itself could be all the explanation you need for its inclusion on this list. And yet, that's not even why it's so effective. Moonlight is another film that doesn't tell a love story in the way we've come to expect it. But the love at the heart of this movie is still so powerful.

In this scene at the beach, it starts as a moment weighed down by hesitation. That's part of why Kevin is such a crucial character, though. He comes in at each point in Chiron’s life and sees him. There's always this sense of Chiron finding something in Kevin that he can never find anywhere else, even outside of their romantic feelings for one another.

When they finally do kiss, that hesitation slowly melts away until Chiron forgets everything except the person sitting next him. In a movie that is so explicitly about identity, there is this nice theme that you are not going to find your identity in another person, but rather that the people around you can guide your search for your identity, for better or worse. Kevin even falls on both sides of that at times, whether it's him punching Chiron in the schoolyard or cooking him dinner at the diner (another great scene that almost took this spot). This scene on the beach is one of the moments where Chiron is most true to himself and who he is and what he wants. And yes, poetically, it happens in the moonlight.

Guy and Girl sing Falling Slowly in Once (John Carney, 2007)

This scene is the perfect example of love and chemistry coming to life through music. Once, from top to bottom, is the story of a love that can never really be. That in itself adds a layer of emotion essential to making this movie work. Guy and Girl so clearly love each other and make each other happy, but that doesn't necessarily mean they get a happily ever after together.

When they sing Falling Slowly, their chemistry totally shines through. Glen Hansard and Markéta Irglová’s voices also blend beautifully together, making this one of those “they're perfect for each other” moments. It's shot so simply, too, letting the performances and the music do all of the work. We're just sitting with two people, watching them fall in love as they make art together.

They're both carrying the weight of their own individual lives throughout this entire movie. All the things that make life difficult or sad or even happy. But when they sit down to play and to write music together, all of that gets to disappear for just a few minutes. Their connection to each other is also their solace from their lives outside of their music.